The one with Darby and Eliot

19 July 2017

It took me over a year to post photos of Darby pregnant with Eliot. It was too hard to look at Darby, glowing with joy and to remember Eliot jumping like crazy in her belly as this beautiful pregnancy turned out to be the only time we had with Eliot. He never got to know the world outside his safe home under Darby's heart and we have missed him every playdate, every meet-up in the park and every kids birthday party.
I'm not very good with words but I know someone who is:
"I’ve known some of the ladies here today quite a long time… We met after having our first children, sipping coffee & Prosecco, while rolling with our prams around the city. Some of us then went on to have second children, some of whom are here today. Eliot is our first second wave baby. He was supposed to spearhead the babbling, the rolling, the crawling. Darby was going to be the first one not to sleep again, to deal with the hecticness of toddlerdom and newborn-doom, to carry Eliot when we had our night’s out, much to Ana’s chagrin. But he wasn’t there and we’ve felt a huge void in our midst.
At first a dark, all-consuming, scary void.
But with time, things have changed.
Darby has chosen to share her grief process very openly and this means that, during the last year, Eliot has been with us every step of the way. Last year’s joys have been more sharp precisely because of his absence. He has brought into focus the joy of non-stop parenthood: even when it’s hard, even when it’s challenging, even when it’s exhausting… Because mothering might be hard, but it´s harder to mother a shooting star.
Darby, you asked me to talk about Eliot, but I cannot do that without talking about you. You are the lens through which we’ve got to know him. You were Eliot’s vessel and now you are the keeper of his soul. I think this is what has made you bloom into an amazing, dedicated, loving Doula.
Every moment you decide to keep on going, Eliot shines more brightly.
Every day you spend with us, every memory you chose to share, every happy or sorrowful moment when you decide to bring us into your confidence, to laugh or to contemplate, Eliot brings us closer together. 
We were friends but Eliot made us family."
Malui, Eliot's first birthday

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