The one with the more the merrier
19 July 2017
It took me over a year to post photos of Darby pregnant with Eliot. It was too hard to look at Darby, glowing with joy and to remember Eliot jumping like crazy in her belly as this beautiful pregnancy turned out to be the only time we had with Eliot. He never got to know the world outside his safe home under Darby's heart and we have missed him every playdate, every meet-up in the park and every kids birthday party.
I'm not very good with words but I know someone who is:
"I’ve known some of the ladies here today
quite a long time… We met after having our first children, sipping coffee &
Prosecco, while rolling with our prams around the city. Some of us then went on
to have second children, some of whom are here today. Eliot is our first second
wave baby. He was supposed to spearhead the babbling, the rolling, the
crawling. Darby was going to be the first one not to sleep again, to deal with
the hecticness of toddlerdom and newborn-doom, to carry Eliot when we had our
night’s out, much to Ana’s chagrin. But he wasn’t there and we’ve felt a huge
void in our midst.
At first a dark, all-consuming, scary void.
But with time, things have changed.
Darby has chosen to share her grief process
very openly and this means that, during the last year, Eliot has been with us
every step of the way. Last year’s joys have been more sharp precisely because
of his absence. He has brought into focus the joy of non-stop parenthood: even
when it’s hard, even when it’s challenging, even when it’s exhausting… Because
mothering might be hard, but it´s harder to mother a shooting star.
Darby, you asked me to talk about Eliot,
but I cannot do that without talking about you. You are the lens through which
we’ve got to know him. You were Eliot’s vessel and now you are the keeper of
his soul. I think this is what has made you bloom into an amazing, dedicated,
loving Doula.
Every day you spend with us, every memory
you chose to share, every happy or sorrowful moment when you decide to bring us
into your confidence, to laugh or to contemplate, Eliot brings us closer
together.
We were friends but Eliot made us family."
Malui, Eliot's first birthday
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